Thursday, March 12, 2015

Why My Husband Can't Make Me Happy

Dustin and I have been married 6 years this coming November, and since then we have seen so many of our friends and family get divorced, or separate from their spouses. The craziest thing about it is that most of the people appear on the outside to have it all together.

Can I just be real for a second? Marriage is the hardest job on the planet. The ones who appear to have it all together are probably a bigger mess than the rest of them. You don't have to play that game here, I understand what it is like to go through stuff with your spouse. There are times when you can't stand them. There are times when they aggravate every living cell in your body. There are times when they aren't giving you what you need emotionally or physically. There are also those times when you feel like you did in the beginning, and you remember the reason you picked them forever.

Dustin and I have always gotten along really well. We rarely argue, and actually as I sit here and write this I can't even remember our last fight. We have fun together and enjoy each others company. I realize how fortunate we are to not have some of the issues that others have, but that doesn't come by default, it takes work.

When you get married you have no idea what you are about to experience.

Becoming a wife and mom has made me realize how incredibly selfish I am! Getting married is most of the time done under very selfish pretenses. Think about it. YOU fall in love, the person makes YOU feel good, YOU like the way they treat YOU, so YOU decide to tie the knot. It is selfish. I am not judging you here because I did it too and then real life hit.  Suddenly you have to live with this person who doesn't always do everything YOU want, the way YOU want it, and there the trouble begins.

My love language is quality time. It used to be that if I was not getting the quality time I needed from Dustin, I would get depressed and angry. I would talk to him and try to explain how I felt, and he just didn't ever seem to get it. His love language is acts of service. He thought that he was showing me love by working hard to provide for our family, even if it meant not having as much time with us. He couldn't comprehend my frustration.

I quickly realized that I was depending on him too much for my happiness. It was not fair to him. Depending on any one person to make you happy is not the way it should be. Dustin is an awesome husband and father, but there will always be a space in my heart that he cannot fill. The only person who can make me whole and completely happy is the One who created me. I started putting more effort into learning how much God loves me by reading the Word and praying. Knowing how much God loves me has taken away the need to find love anywhere else.

I know Dustin loves me, but I don't depend on him anymore for my happiness or contentment. Having him for a husband is better than ever because the pressure is off. Now if I am ever tempted to get discouraged or depressed I know my focus is on the wrong place and I need to get my eyes back on Jesus, what he has done for me, and how much he loves me.

If you don't make God the center of your life, you will not have a happy marriage. Sadly most people never realize this and put too much pressure on their spouse, turn to other things, cheat, or self medicate to deal with this reality.

God did not design us to live without him. He designed us to be in a relationship with him first and foremost. He made Adam before he made Eve, and it wasn't Adam who asked for a mate, it was God's idea. Adam was content with his relationship just him and God. God gave Adam the wonderful gift of a spouse, but the first thing that was established was God and Adam's relationship. Eve was the icing on the cake!

I encourage you to stop trying to find happiness solely through your marriage, or anything else in this life. Surrender yourself to the One who made you, and let him love you. Not only will you be happier in your marriage, but every single area of your life will prosper!

XXOO