Know your place!

When first entering the world of step parenting I was reluctant. I didn't know what my role should be in my step daughter, Breanna's life. Things became clearer to me after having my daughter. I realized that it was not fair for me to take a back seat in my step daughters life yet give myself 100% to my own daughter. It is not right for Breanna to suffer because of her parents incompatibility.

I remember being so scared to step on anyones toes. I was afraid to give all because I knew that would mean pissing some people off. I was torn because I knew what was best for Breanna in her life over here with us, but didn't want to over step the boundaries. In getting to know my husband better, and realizing what he wanted for his daughter and for our new family I felt more confident in my role. I know now that the best thing I can do is treat her as if she were my own. It is not my job to worry about pleasing her mother, my husband's family or my family. My job is to do my very best, for both Breanna and our family and if that means stepping on some toes, then so be it. No decision regarding Breanna ever effects just her. It effects all of us.

Has this caused some waves? Yes, but that is ok. I sleep well at night because I know that I am doing everything in my power to have a happy, healthy family. Nothing worth doing is ever easy and I know that someday all the energy I have put into Breanna will be rewarded. Step parents need all the support they can get so the best way to be a good one is to block out all the negative people! Stand your ground, fight for your family, and surround yourself with people who build you up, not break you down. I want to encourage the step parents out there to follow their heart and do your absolute best. If your best makes people mad, sounds like a personal issue they need to deal with. Your loyalty was never to them anyways! Much love friends!

When the fit hits the shan.

I believe there are certain rules when it comes to discipline and step parenting. I know that being a step parent to older children is a totally different ball game, but getting into the child's life at a younger age brings different challenges. When the kids are older (as I was when my mom remarried) the step parent is more of a friend and not so much like a "parent." In my opinion that is the way it should be because the children already have a "mom" and "dad" that they answer to and do not need a new person coming in trying to change that. I don't believe it is ok for the step parent to do the disciplining in this case. When someone is dating a person with older children, they need to decide before thinking about marriage if they can handle the way things are without coming in and trying to change everything.

What about with younger ones? In this case the struggles are not going to be with the child because they will never remember a time without you. I have no issues getting my step daughter to listen to me (actually sometimes she listens to me better than her father, hehe.) The relationship with a step child should be a strong one before you think about any sort of discipline. Of course every family has their own ways of disciplining their child and while I may give my daughter Hazel a smack on the hand or butt, I am not going to do that with Breanna. Why? Well it is a personal thing. My husband wouldn't do it either, and we are able to get results from putting her in her room or taking away a privilege. I have to admit, I am really lucky to have such a well behaved step child. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments where she tries to be the boss, but we get her in check real quick. Until I was comfortable with Breanna's and my relationship I would play tattle tale to daddy to get her to listen, but now we have a mutual respect for each other and she knows I mean business.

"Will you marry us?"

Family has taken on a new meaning in todays society. It is not the norm for there to be a mom, dad and two kids anymore. Divorce is more common than ever, and people are having children with partners they are not married to. There are all kinds of variations in a child's home life, and with that comes new challenges. Nobody day dreams when they are little about growing up to be a step parent, or dealing with crazy exes, but this is reality for many of us. This is my story.

My husband and I met and fell in love just like any other couple. After our first couple dates he tells me he has a one and a half year old daughter! I was pissed. Not because he had a beautiful and sweet little girl, but because he didn't tell me from the start!!! This was the first person I ever dated with a kid (and the last, hehe) so I had no clue what I was getting into. I didn't meet Breanna until a few months later when we both knew our relationship was getting more serious. I thought to myself , "I love kids, how hard could this be?"

Over the next year I grew attached not only to my handsome boyfriend, but his little girl as well. I knew that I wanted to be a part of their lives, and that I found them for a reason. I knew I could bring something to them that nobody else could and they could do the same for me. On November 8th, 2009 all three of us said "I do." It was the start of our lives and the beginning of an adventure. Breanna is now five and a half and the main piece of advice that I can give any step parent is to always put the kids first. Simple as it may sound, you can never go wrong when you follow that advice.

People often ask, "How can you love someone elses child the same way that you love yours?" I have always thought that it would be awesome to adopt a kid and while being a step parent is slightly different than adopting, it is also very similar because you still want to treat them as if they are your own. Here is the thing..... Loving a step child doesn't have to "feel" the same as loving a child that came from your own body. Don't beat yourself up about it. When my husband and I had our baby girl, I was filled with emotions that I never felt with Breanna, and that is ok. Loving a kid isn't all about a feeling, it is about your actions toward that child. I have always treated Bre as one of my own, and done everything the same as I would with my own daughter. I have always gone out of my way to make her feel special ,even after the baby got here, and she hasn't had a single jealous moment, so I know I am doing something right. It all goes back to putting the kids first. While they may be innocent and naive little souls, they will know deep down that you are doing your best and they will love you for it.

Bre and I have a great relationship, I love when she crawls up on my lap and tells me she loves me. Ever since our daughter Hazel was born Breanna says she should call me mommy too since that is what Hazel calls me. I am fine with that. I am not going to tell her what she can and can't call me. I want her to call me whatever feels right to her, sometimes its mommy, and sometimes its Courtney, I answer to both.

Throughout this blog I will share with you my experiences, and lessons I learned from them, in hopes that you won't have to go through some of the not so fun stuff that I have in this journey. If you find it beneficial or know someone who would benefit from reading, follow me! We will adventure through this together!

Hippie Parenting... minus the drugs ;)

In the last year I have taken a lot of judgement from people about my beliefs as far as health care are concerned. Yes, I might be kind of a hippie. I breast feed, don't vaccinate, feed my kids mostly organic and use chemical free diapers (next baby will be cloth.) However, I would never criticize someone for doing it differently. I have been called names, yelled at, talked bad about and given dirty looks. I had a specific person say, "I know Courtney is very knowledgeable about how SHE thinks health should be but we have always taken the science route." While I don't feel the need to defend my stance to anyone, I do think it is only fair that I am able to state my points for those who are truly interested, and not just out to judge me.

First off, why do people get so offended that I don't vaccinate my child? If their argument is that they are worried their child will catch something from mine then they really don't believe in vaccine effectiveness either. If their child is vaccinated then they should have nothing to worry about being around my "contaminated" child. Isn't that why they immunize in the first place?

Secondly, if the "science" route is so great then why are today's kids sicker than ever? The person who made the above statement will most likely never read this, but the fact that their children are sick at least once a month and have several health problems proves that their precious "science" route is not working and it may be time to try something new.

Thirdly, I have to say that my daughter has not been to the doctor since she was 3 months old (for a well visit.) She simply has not needed to go. She has never been sick with anything besides a runny nose that only lasted a couple days at most. She does not have any health problems and is a happy, smart, and perfect baby. So next time someone judges my hippie ways they need to compare their child's health to my daughter's. The proof is in the puddin'.

Last but not least, I don't think the medical community is evil. I love the doctor who delivered my baby and I love her pediatrician. I think the advances in medicine have saved countless lives. As with anything there is always going to be abuse when there is money to be made. This is where I draw the line as far as the medical care for my daughter. Very simply put, I want her body to be free from as many man made products as possible.

If you are going to hate me then at least now you know why. Peace and love to you all ;)

Insert foot in mouth

I will admit that one of my biggest struggles is controlling my mouth. I can think of all kinds of lovely things to say when I am mad, hurt, or just down right pissed off. A lot of the time I will say what I am feeling with absolutely no filter. Over the years I have become aware of this and tried to tame the beast, but once in a while it rears its ugly head. Today was one of those days.

I got news from my friend earlier today telling me that one of her friends she has had since 3rd grade passed away from cancer. She left behind a husband and baby who is not even one years old. This broke my heart. I had been highly aggravated from some of the days events, but this just stopped me in my tracks. All the anger and frustration from these little, ridiculous issues calmed down and I realized how dumb it all really is in the long run. How selfish am I? I should be thanking God for this very day and appreciating the fact that my almost one year old isn't going to lose her mommy to such an awful disease, and instead little nonsense stuff is burdening my thoughts.

This information sobered my mind and I realized that I don't need to defend myself or my family to anyone. All the judgements that people put on me are just going to fall at their feet. I am not going to throw my pearls before swine. No more. I am not going to open my big fat mouth even when I have something that I think is REALLY good. I know that I have placed my life, health and family in God's hands and at the end of the day he will fight for me, and do a much better job.

Beautiful you.

Women these days have such distorted physical images. Many people blame it on Hollywood, or the media, and this is all legitimate, but I think the real problem lies within ourselves. We are constantly comparing ourselves to someone else. We can never be content with who we are because there is always someone better.

Today I was in the grocery store and this lady says to me, "Wow, you are gorgeous." I was caught off guard  at first and said thank you, but it was a genuine compliment and made me feel really good. Now, if I had the same comment from a man I would have probably said thanks and quickly moved the other direction. I realized that the best kind of compliment is one that comes from a woman. Why? She will not gain anything from it. She is confident enough in herself and has enough to share.

What if we as women all decided to start loving ourselves, and seeing beyond our insecurities? What if we could see someone beautiful and instead of being envious, appreciate their beauty and be comfortable enough to tell them? I bet women as a whole would be a lot more secure if they heard a genuine compliment once in a while. Don't get me wrong, it is always great to hear my husband tell me I am beautiful, but there is something special about hearing it from a total stranger.

Ladies, I challenge you!! Next time you see a pretty girl, tell her in your own way. It will take you out of your comfort zone, but I guarantee it will empower her and make her day! Confidence is contagious, pass it on!

Is God REALLY in control?

No, he is not. He has not put himself in a position of control in our lives, if so we would be robots. We decide whether or not we want him there. We can give him the control, the decision is ours completely. People tend to blame God when things don't go their way, even though they have never wanted anything to do with him. It is like having a party and setting up a beautiful spread of food with gorgeous china covering the whole table. All the sudden you walk in the room and the whole table is destroyed. You blame it on one of your guests. The problem is that that guest isn't at your party, they weren't even invited. You can't blame someone who is not there.... The only way that God will come into your life is if he is invited, otherwise you are on your own. If things aren't going your way maybe you should stop blaming him and start asking for his help, just sayin'.