Family has taken on a new meaning in todays society. It is not the norm for there to be a mom, dad and two kids anymore. Divorce is more common than ever, and people are having children with partners they are not married to. There are all kinds of variations in a child's home life, and with that comes new challenges. Nobody day dreams when they are little about growing up to be a step parent, or dealing with crazy exes, but this is reality for many of us. This is my story.
My husband and I met and fell in love just like any other couple. After our first couple dates he tells me he has a one and a half year old daughter! I was pissed. Not because he had a beautiful and sweet little girl, but because he didn't tell me from the start!!! This was the first person I ever dated with a kid (and the last, hehe) so I had no clue what I was getting into. I didn't meet Breanna until a few months later when we both knew our relationship was getting more serious. I thought to myself , "I love kids, how hard could this be?"
Over the next year I grew attached not only to my handsome boyfriend, but his little girl as well. I knew that I wanted to be a part of their lives, and that I found them for a reason. I knew I could bring something to them that nobody else could and they could do the same for me. On November 8th, 2009 all three of us said "I do." It was the start of our lives and the beginning of an adventure. Breanna is now five and a half and the main piece of advice that I can give any step parent is to always put the kids first. Simple as it may sound, you can never go wrong when you follow that advice.
People often ask, "How can you love someone elses child the same way that you love yours?" I have always thought that it would be awesome to adopt a kid and while being a step parent is slightly different than adopting, it is also very similar because you still want to treat them as if they are your own. Here is the thing..... Loving a step child doesn't have to "feel" the same as loving a child that came from your own body. Don't beat yourself up about it. When my husband and I had our baby girl, I was filled with emotions that I never felt with Breanna, and that is ok. Loving a kid isn't all about a feeling, it is about your actions toward that child. I have always treated Bre as one of my own, and done everything the same as I would with my own daughter. I have always gone out of my way to make her feel special ,even after the baby got here, and she hasn't had a single jealous moment, so I know I am doing something right. It all goes back to putting the kids first. While they may be innocent and naive little souls, they will know deep down that you are doing your best and they will love you for it.
Bre and I have a great relationship, I love when she crawls up on my lap and tells me she loves me. Ever since our daughter Hazel was born Breanna says she should call me mommy too since that is what Hazel calls me. I am fine with that. I am not going to tell her what she can and can't call me. I want her to call me whatever feels right to her, sometimes its mommy, and sometimes its Courtney, I answer to both.
Throughout this blog I will share with you my experiences, and lessons I learned from them, in hopes that you won't have to go through some of the not so fun stuff that I have in this journey. If you find it beneficial or know someone who would benefit from reading, follow me! We will adventure through this together!
“The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” Matthew 9:38