With the holidays quickly approaching, I have been giving the whole Santa Claus thing a whole lot of thought.
A couple months ago Breanna asked me how the baby comes out of your tummy when it's born. Really? This kind of question was not one I was particularly ready to answer, so I danced around with my response hoping she would stop questioning. She didn't. I don't believe in lying to kids, if they are old enough to ask, then I believe they are old enough to know the answer. I said "Well, when the baby is ready to be born it comes out of your lady part." She looked at me for a second and then said "Oh." That was it. I was prepared for shock, disgust, or a further series of questions, but that was enough of an answer for her, that was all she was ready to hear.
We don't give kids enough credit. They are curious little souls, searching for the answers in order to develop themselves. The worst thing we can do as parents is lie to them. This brings me to the whole Santa Claus thing.
No, I am not going to tell you Santa is evil and you are a liar and terrible parent for telling your kid all about him... I just have a different take on it. Children are full of imagination, and a good parent will create an environment where their imagination is free to roam. Do you play with your kids? Play house, dolls, barbies, superheroes? If so then you know that one of the requirements for these games is an imagination. This is how I feel the Santa Claus thing should be treated. It is a game, a way to develop and foster a child's imagination. Playing, in a sense.
While all kids need their imagination to learn and grow, they also need a solid ground to land on. What happens when the dreaded question arises... "Is Santa Claus real?" Well, for me the answer will be easy. "No. We play Santa, but he is only real in our imaginations." Once again, I don't believe in lying to kids. Doesn't mean we can't still "play Santa" even if they know he isn't real. If they are ready to ask, they are ready to know the truth.
This will develop a deep level of trust. This says, I can play with you and imagine with you, but I will also tell you the truth, no matter what. I want my kids to trust me and come to me with anything, and for that to happen, it starts with Santa.
“The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” Matthew 9:38
10 Healthy Grocery Store Tips for Natural Kids!
Lately I have had quite a few people ask me what kind of stuff I buy at the grocery store... Shopping for kids is not easy, mostly because they are usually very picky. It is a little easier for me because our girls are super good eaters and like to eat fruits and veggies, but there are still healthy options for kids with a more limited palate. Here are some grocery store guidelines that I always follow:
1. Check your labels! If your 1st grader can't pronouce it then you shouldn't buy it! Some of the the bad ones are: monosodium glutamate (MSG), propylene glycol (this is in personal care products too) any kind of nitrates, BHT, anything with corn or soy (unless its organic), high fructose corn syrup, aspertame, any type of food dyes... hmmm the list goes on but those are the basics.
*If you buy anything in a box or can, just make sure it is certified organic and you will avoid almost all of these things. It may be a couple dollars more, but what you are saving your kid's bodies from is well worth the money.
2. Make easy kid food with a healthy twist. I buy mac and cheese, but I buy organic and instead of using milk, I use rice milk and instead of butter I use organic coconut oil, get creative. Which brings me to my next thing...
3.Coconut oil! Every parent should have this in their cupboard. Extra virgin, expeller pressed, organic coconut oil. It can be used as an super healthy substitute for butter or just thrown in for a healthy twist. I use it in pancakes, on pasta, you can even use it in smoothies, or just give your kids a spoon full of it, it tastes good and is full of nutritients similar to those found in breast milk! You can also use it straight in the eye to cure pink eye, to moisturize, make scrubs, fight candida (yeast) etc....
4. To eat healthy doesn't mean make everything from scratch. These days you can find all sorts of frozen and ready made, organic foods. I buy the girls organic frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets, and even cookies for special treats. Don't make it overly complicated, while the goal is to make everything yourself, you don't want to overwhelm yourself and give up completely.
5. Less juice more water. If you have a kid like mine then breaking a juice habit is not an easy one. Since she won't drink plain water I put a dash of juice in it to flavor it slightly. As time has gone on I put less and less juice and now it is so minimal she is drinking mostly water. Never buy juice or milk unless its organic.
6. Milk. Despite what our traditions tell us, kids don't actually NEED milk. It is actually bad for them and causes inflamation in the body (ear and sinus infections, bowel issues, skin problems and other various illnesses, not to mention it is FULL of sugar.) This is a habit that is also hard to break, but can be done slowly. My almost two year old drinks rice milk. Other good options are coconut milk, almond milk, and hemp milk. There is no reason we NEED to drink animal's milk. I still buy cheese and yogurt but it is always organic and we keep dairy consumption to a minimum.
7. Fruits and veggies. I buy about 75-80% of my produce organic. It doesn't have to cost more! I buy most organics at Costco and they are the same price as the regular stuff at the grocery store! It is soooooo worth the membership fee because they also have organic meats for very low prices! The rule we follow for fruits and veggies around here is that they have at least one fruit or veggie with every meal and if they want an extra snack they can have apples, raisins, carrots, grapes, or a banana. Don't waste the opportunity to feed them something healthy. Some of the worst things in the grocery store are the snacks!
8. Cleaning supplies. Chemicals cause cancer. What are cleaning products? Chemicals. I no longer use chemicals to clean. Vinegar and water works just as well and kills 99% of bacteria naturally. I soak my citrus peels in the vinegar to give it a better smell and it is so much cheaper! For the kids bath tub I use baking soda. Think about it.... Do you want your kids soaking in whatever chemical you just used on your bath tub?
9. Baths! A bath is a great opportunity to detox your child, but it can also be a pool of harmful chemicals. I suggest adding apple cider vinegar and/or epsom salts to your child's bath. Another important thing to remember is that personal care products are some of the biggest carcinogens out there. Once again, check labels. Johnson & Johnson, Aveeno or any other major name brand is going to be pure chemicals. Sodium lauryl sulfate (or any variation of that name) is antifreeze, propylene glycol, and any added scents are poison. Buy your products from Young Living, or at the health food store.
10. Toothpaste. Fluoride, contrary to popular belief is poison. There is a reason that you must call poison control if your child swallows even more than a pea sized amount!!! A pea? Really? Buy fluoride free toothpaste, that is also free from sodium lauryl sulfate.
This list may seem overwhelming, but just do one thing at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself! There are adjustments that must be made to budgets and bad habits, give yourself time and keep the research going, this just scratches the surface!
1. Check your labels! If your 1st grader can't pronouce it then you shouldn't buy it! Some of the the bad ones are: monosodium glutamate (MSG), propylene glycol (this is in personal care products too) any kind of nitrates, BHT, anything with corn or soy (unless its organic), high fructose corn syrup, aspertame, any type of food dyes... hmmm the list goes on but those are the basics.
*If you buy anything in a box or can, just make sure it is certified organic and you will avoid almost all of these things. It may be a couple dollars more, but what you are saving your kid's bodies from is well worth the money.
2. Make easy kid food with a healthy twist. I buy mac and cheese, but I buy organic and instead of using milk, I use rice milk and instead of butter I use organic coconut oil, get creative. Which brings me to my next thing...
3.Coconut oil! Every parent should have this in their cupboard. Extra virgin, expeller pressed, organic coconut oil. It can be used as an super healthy substitute for butter or just thrown in for a healthy twist. I use it in pancakes, on pasta, you can even use it in smoothies, or just give your kids a spoon full of it, it tastes good and is full of nutritients similar to those found in breast milk! You can also use it straight in the eye to cure pink eye, to moisturize, make scrubs, fight candida (yeast) etc....
4. To eat healthy doesn't mean make everything from scratch. These days you can find all sorts of frozen and ready made, organic foods. I buy the girls organic frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets, and even cookies for special treats. Don't make it overly complicated, while the goal is to make everything yourself, you don't want to overwhelm yourself and give up completely.
5. Less juice more water. If you have a kid like mine then breaking a juice habit is not an easy one. Since she won't drink plain water I put a dash of juice in it to flavor it slightly. As time has gone on I put less and less juice and now it is so minimal she is drinking mostly water. Never buy juice or milk unless its organic.
6. Milk. Despite what our traditions tell us, kids don't actually NEED milk. It is actually bad for them and causes inflamation in the body (ear and sinus infections, bowel issues, skin problems and other various illnesses, not to mention it is FULL of sugar.) This is a habit that is also hard to break, but can be done slowly. My almost two year old drinks rice milk. Other good options are coconut milk, almond milk, and hemp milk. There is no reason we NEED to drink animal's milk. I still buy cheese and yogurt but it is always organic and we keep dairy consumption to a minimum.
7. Fruits and veggies. I buy about 75-80% of my produce organic. It doesn't have to cost more! I buy most organics at Costco and they are the same price as the regular stuff at the grocery store! It is soooooo worth the membership fee because they also have organic meats for very low prices! The rule we follow for fruits and veggies around here is that they have at least one fruit or veggie with every meal and if they want an extra snack they can have apples, raisins, carrots, grapes, or a banana. Don't waste the opportunity to feed them something healthy. Some of the worst things in the grocery store are the snacks!
8. Cleaning supplies. Chemicals cause cancer. What are cleaning products? Chemicals. I no longer use chemicals to clean. Vinegar and water works just as well and kills 99% of bacteria naturally. I soak my citrus peels in the vinegar to give it a better smell and it is so much cheaper! For the kids bath tub I use baking soda. Think about it.... Do you want your kids soaking in whatever chemical you just used on your bath tub?
9. Baths! A bath is a great opportunity to detox your child, but it can also be a pool of harmful chemicals. I suggest adding apple cider vinegar and/or epsom salts to your child's bath. Another important thing to remember is that personal care products are some of the biggest carcinogens out there. Once again, check labels. Johnson & Johnson, Aveeno or any other major name brand is going to be pure chemicals. Sodium lauryl sulfate (or any variation of that name) is antifreeze, propylene glycol, and any added scents are poison. Buy your products from Young Living, or at the health food store.
10. Toothpaste. Fluoride, contrary to popular belief is poison. There is a reason that you must call poison control if your child swallows even more than a pea sized amount!!! A pea? Really? Buy fluoride free toothpaste, that is also free from sodium lauryl sulfate.
This list may seem overwhelming, but just do one thing at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself! There are adjustments that must be made to budgets and bad habits, give yourself time and keep the research going, this just scratches the surface!
New blog title and description!
New title and description. Why? Well, I love that my blog helped a few frustrated step parents along the way, but the winds have changed for me. While I continue to be a very passionate and involved step parent, I am also a mother to two (in January) other children. After pinning a few posts on pinterest, I have gotten thousands of hits on my blog and don't want to limit what I write about. I want to keep that momentum going and be able to rant on about what is pressing on my heart, not to be limited by a category as specific as step parenting. Mothering is a mission, and I am excited to write about my journeys.
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
Have everything you thought you always wanted, but still not happy?
There is a huge problem with depression in today's society. More then ever, people are turning to medications, drinking, and unhealthy relationships in order to "solve" their problems. Some of us don't do that. Some of us get the life we always dreamed of, and then find that it is not all it is cracked up to be. We have the job, husband, house, money or kids that we once fantasized about, but for some reason there is no satisfaction in it. Why? We are always working towards something and when that "something" is complete, then we will be happy, right? No, wrong. Happiness is a journey...
I am convinced that everyone feels a little lost at some point in their life, so if this is you, guess what? You are not alone. This is the point where you decide if you are going to rely on outside sources (drugs, alcohol, relationships, material items, a degree etc) for your "happiness" or look inside yourself and find the reason God put you on this planet. Nobody is here by accident, and until you stop looking at happiness as a destination, I am convinced you will never find it. The journey of finding your purpose is an interesting one, and just when you think you have found it, something pulls you in a new direction.
How do you know what your passions are? What haunts you, makes you sad, pulls at your heart strings? If you had all the money or resources in the world what would you do? There is where you will find your answers. These are the steps that will help you start your journey:
1. What keeps you up at night? This is a loaded question.. For some people, unforgiveness, anger, jealousy, or finances would be the answer. If that is you, the first thing you have to do is let go.
2. Forgive. No matter how inexcusable someone's behavior might be, there is no reason to allow it to consume your peaceful time. Why do we dream at night? This is supposed to be our peaceful, pensive, development time. If it is anything but that, you have some work to do. Forgiveness can be a process. Even if it means seeking outside help, DO IT. Reclaim your peace.
3. Once you have a clean slate you can begin to paint the canvas of your future. It is the time between your crazy day, and when you fall asleep that you will find the starting point on your journey. Slow down. Stop filling your days with so many useless things, and figure out what is TRULY important. Only do those things.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.." Jeremiah 29:11
Enjoy the journey. Every struggle, every obstacle. Some days I want to pull my hair out with kids demanding stuff, bills piling up, or any other bump that shows up in the road. Sometimes it feels we aren't even going to get through the day, much less work towards a higher purpose! That's ok. Don't be so desperate for the "better days" ahead that you can't enjoy the little things in THIS day. The daily moments I treasure are, hearing my baby girl sing, feeling my baby kicking and growing in my belly, hanging out on the couch with my husband after the kids go to bed, learning a new thing I read, and laying down to sleep, peacefully.
Tomorrow, the journey continues. I encourage you to start yours too :)
Generation spoiled rotten
Every parent, for the most part, wants to give their kids the best of everything. The best food, clothes, education, and medical care. I find myself reading, researching, and constantly searching for answers on every little thing in order to make sure I have no regrets after my parental duties are over and my kids are on their own.
One of the most important things to me and my husband is making sure our kids have what they need to take on the world that they will grow old in. It will be very different than it is today, and while I might not being able to change the world, I can change the influence that my kids have on it. The majority of kids today are learning bad habits that will turn them into self serving, materialistic and entitled human beings. The question is why? Well I could write a whole blog on how family life these days has got to crap, but that is for another day ;) For now I will just share a little story, along with an epiphany I had the other day.
On Sunday we had a birthday party for my step daughter. Invited her friends, family, neighbors etc.. The fancy cake, special themed plates and napkins, balloons, you name it. I think every parent knows that when it comes to birthday parties, even simple ones, you still spend a small fortune and lots of preparation time. It was a great day, Bre got loaded with all kinds of new gifts and had a fun time. When everyone left I was sitting on the couch decompressing from the craziness and she says to me, "You didn't put any decorations on the windows." I said, "Well we just did the balloons for decorations instead." Her response, "Well it wasn't pretty." I sat there shocked because Bre is not a bratty kid. She wasn't even saying it in a snotty way, but after ALL of that the only thing she had to say was that the decorations weren't "pretty"?
What have I done wrong? Being a step parent has more challenges then a regular parent because you have all the influence but none of the control. I realized that this really isn't her fault, we have set such high standards for her that we can't even keep up with ourselves. I couldn't shake it. My husband tells me that I let these kinds of things bother me too much and that it was just a comment, but I can't help but feel like we are setting her up for entitlement.
It has always bothered me that holidays and birthdays seem to be so focused on gifts and material items, but fighting that in todays society is so hard because you don't want your child to miss out on anything either. The solution: We decided that from now on we are not going to do big, fancy birthday parties every year. Instead we are going to take whoever the birthday kid is, out to do something special with just them, no other siblings. We are going to have 3 and with that many kids it is rare for one to have both parents to themselves.
We want to create memories that they can take with them all their lives, not a bunch of plastic, crappy toys that are just going to get thrown away. After all, a birthday is a celebration that they are here on this earth with us. Do we want to show them that their value is a bunch of toys and material items? This is just one of many ways to simplify our children's lives and set them up for a future full of rich relationships and memories. #simplicityisbliss :)
Hail to the boob!
Warning: I am not going to hold back my opinion whatsoever in this post, so if you are offended easily I suggest not reading.
Lately I have met lots of moms who have for one reason or another decided not to breast feed their babies. I find it ironic that a breastfeeding mom shows up on the cover of Time magazine and people are horrified, yet nobody seems to think twice when you pull out the formula, shake it up and feed it to your baby. Do people know what is in formula?! I read the ingredients on everything, and that may seem crazy, but these days it is a MUST!
The main ingredient in most popular formulas is corn syrup solids. You are thinking, so what? Corn, its a vegetable, right? Well no it is a grain, and it is one of the top genetically modified foods in the country. Genetically modified foods are NOT safe for human consumption, and the fact that the FDA allows them is a whole other rant I won't get into. This may sound like another language to some of you, but if something is going into your childs body, don't you want to know exactly what it is??? I am finding more often than not, people don't even LOOK at the ingredients in formula, much less care what each thing is.
Formula feeders are so sensitive, you can't even HINT that breastfeeding is the better choice. Moms like myself are forced to keep our mouths shut even when we hear about how their babies are allergic to this formula, won't eat that formula, or have health problems.. Breast feeders are forced tip toe around saying that they don't pass any judgement, and each person has the right to choose how to feed their baby. WELL I do pass judgement. My opinion is that your baby should have breast milk, otherwise you shouldn't have babies. Harsh, maybe, but back in the day if you weren't able to do it yourself, you had to find someone to do it for you.
I have lots of friends who formula feed, and I still love them all, but I can't pretend that their decision is what is best for their child. Its not. Every organization on the planet says that breast is best, so for once I don't stand with the few and far between on this issue. If you can't breastfeed (which is a VERY RARE occurence), find someone to do it for you, or learn how to make your own formula from natural, healthy ingredients... Formula is the easy way out, and you will pay for it later when your child is sick all the time and has health issues galore. Formula will sustain a child to survive, but they will not thrive. The fact is that SIDS rates are significantly lower in breastfed babies as well as health and weight problems.
There, I have said my peace. There is loads of information out there on this topic and as a parent it is your resonsibility to give your child the best. Do the research, see for yourself. I promise that you will be conviced that the boob was a great invention ;)
Lately I have met lots of moms who have for one reason or another decided not to breast feed their babies. I find it ironic that a breastfeeding mom shows up on the cover of Time magazine and people are horrified, yet nobody seems to think twice when you pull out the formula, shake it up and feed it to your baby. Do people know what is in formula?! I read the ingredients on everything, and that may seem crazy, but these days it is a MUST!
The main ingredient in most popular formulas is corn syrup solids. You are thinking, so what? Corn, its a vegetable, right? Well no it is a grain, and it is one of the top genetically modified foods in the country. Genetically modified foods are NOT safe for human consumption, and the fact that the FDA allows them is a whole other rant I won't get into. This may sound like another language to some of you, but if something is going into your childs body, don't you want to know exactly what it is??? I am finding more often than not, people don't even LOOK at the ingredients in formula, much less care what each thing is.
Formula feeders are so sensitive, you can't even HINT that breastfeeding is the better choice. Moms like myself are forced to keep our mouths shut even when we hear about how their babies are allergic to this formula, won't eat that formula, or have health problems.. Breast feeders are forced tip toe around saying that they don't pass any judgement, and each person has the right to choose how to feed their baby. WELL I do pass judgement. My opinion is that your baby should have breast milk, otherwise you shouldn't have babies. Harsh, maybe, but back in the day if you weren't able to do it yourself, you had to find someone to do it for you.
I have lots of friends who formula feed, and I still love them all, but I can't pretend that their decision is what is best for their child. Its not. Every organization on the planet says that breast is best, so for once I don't stand with the few and far between on this issue. If you can't breastfeed (which is a VERY RARE occurence), find someone to do it for you, or learn how to make your own formula from natural, healthy ingredients... Formula is the easy way out, and you will pay for it later when your child is sick all the time and has health issues galore. Formula will sustain a child to survive, but they will not thrive. The fact is that SIDS rates are significantly lower in breastfed babies as well as health and weight problems.
There, I have said my peace. There is loads of information out there on this topic and as a parent it is your resonsibility to give your child the best. Do the research, see for yourself. I promise that you will be conviced that the boob was a great invention ;)
Finding your happy place
Step parenting doesn't come with a hand book, but it sure would be nice! This past November we gained half custody of my step daughter and right away we knew that things were not going to be the same as they were when we only had her weekends. Normally she is a well behaved, happy and upbeat kid, but things seemed to take a turn for the worst. She acted depressed, whiny and impossible to please. What happened to the little girl we once knew?
For the first few months I did absolutely everything in my power to make her happy when she was with us. I took her to do fun things, bought her stuff, went out of my way to make her feel special, and it was all helpful in the moment, but the minute we were back to "regular life" she would fall straight back into crying for her mom and acting depressed. She was completely unreasonable. She would use our phones to call her mom at all hours of the day and night (let me remind you she is 5) and every time she got off the phone she would sob for the next hour. We tried making mommy pictures, little notes, phone calls, special "talks" and none of it would help.
I was on the verge of losing my mind. Having a miserable and difficult kid not only is hard on them, but it is hard on the other kids and parents. There is no worse feeling then trying your very hardest to make someone happy, only to see them worse off every moment. One day I had the most beautiful epiphany. I can't make her happy, and it is our job to create the environment, not allow her to create it.
That day started a new chapter in all of our lives. I was done. Done catering to nasty behavior, done going out of my way to please her, done stressing myself out, I quit. Dustin and I laid down new rules.
These are the rules:
1. No more calling mommy without our permission- We would allow her to call once a day, but not when she was exhausted and going to throw a royal fit when she got off the phone.
2. No more crying for mommy- I know this sounds harsh, but we told her it is ok to miss mommy, and if she wants to cry for her she can go to her room and do it. We told her that we were all happy and when she was ready to be happy she could come out and be happy too.
3. No more killing myself trying to keep every minute of her day occupied- We can't change our whole lives every other week to accommodate Breanna. We love when she is home, but this is our life and she has to learn how to be happy with that life, even if some days we just hang out around the house.
Within two weeks of these new rules she was back to her old self. The first couple days she might go in her room and cry for 5 minutes, but once she saw it wasn't phasing us, she stopped. She started playing with her sister nicely, reading her books, and playing with her toys again.We even got good reports about how well she was doing at her mom's house. Not only was she happier, but she rarely says she misses her mom, or wants to call her. She has learned to enjoy the time she has here. She still has a struggle or two here or there, but nothing we can't handle.
It amazes me how kids need guidance in every area of their lives, even emotionally. We had to teach her how to properly control her emotions. It is a hard lesson to learn at such a young age, but it is her reality. She has two families that love her and want to spend time with her, some kids don't even have one. Splitting time in two different homes will always be a challenge, but as a step parent I am thrilled to say she has the best transition possible into our happy home.
For the first few months I did absolutely everything in my power to make her happy when she was with us. I took her to do fun things, bought her stuff, went out of my way to make her feel special, and it was all helpful in the moment, but the minute we were back to "regular life" she would fall straight back into crying for her mom and acting depressed. She was completely unreasonable. She would use our phones to call her mom at all hours of the day and night (let me remind you she is 5) and every time she got off the phone she would sob for the next hour. We tried making mommy pictures, little notes, phone calls, special "talks" and none of it would help.
I was on the verge of losing my mind. Having a miserable and difficult kid not only is hard on them, but it is hard on the other kids and parents. There is no worse feeling then trying your very hardest to make someone happy, only to see them worse off every moment. One day I had the most beautiful epiphany. I can't make her happy, and it is our job to create the environment, not allow her to create it.
That day started a new chapter in all of our lives. I was done. Done catering to nasty behavior, done going out of my way to please her, done stressing myself out, I quit. Dustin and I laid down new rules.
These are the rules:
1. No more calling mommy without our permission- We would allow her to call once a day, but not when she was exhausted and going to throw a royal fit when she got off the phone.
2. No more crying for mommy- I know this sounds harsh, but we told her it is ok to miss mommy, and if she wants to cry for her she can go to her room and do it. We told her that we were all happy and when she was ready to be happy she could come out and be happy too.
3. No more killing myself trying to keep every minute of her day occupied- We can't change our whole lives every other week to accommodate Breanna. We love when she is home, but this is our life and she has to learn how to be happy with that life, even if some days we just hang out around the house.
Within two weeks of these new rules she was back to her old self. The first couple days she might go in her room and cry for 5 minutes, but once she saw it wasn't phasing us, she stopped. She started playing with her sister nicely, reading her books, and playing with her toys again.We even got good reports about how well she was doing at her mom's house. Not only was she happier, but she rarely says she misses her mom, or wants to call her. She has learned to enjoy the time she has here. She still has a struggle or two here or there, but nothing we can't handle.
It amazes me how kids need guidance in every area of their lives, even emotionally. We had to teach her how to properly control her emotions. It is a hard lesson to learn at such a young age, but it is her reality. She has two families that love her and want to spend time with her, some kids don't even have one. Splitting time in two different homes will always be a challenge, but as a step parent I am thrilled to say she has the best transition possible into our happy home.
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