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I WAS IN PRISON DOCUMENTARY

Finding your happy place

Step parenting doesn't come with a hand book, but it sure would be nice! This past November we gained half custody of my step daughter and right away we knew that things were not going to be the same as they were when we only had her weekends. Normally she is a well behaved, happy and upbeat kid, but things seemed to take a turn for the worst. She acted depressed, whiny and impossible to please. What happened to the little girl we once knew?

For the first few months I did absolutely everything in my power to make her happy when she was with us. I took her to do fun things, bought her stuff, went out of my way to make her feel special, and it was all helpful in the moment, but the minute we were back to "regular life" she would fall straight back into crying for her mom and acting depressed. She was completely unreasonable. She would use our phones to call her mom at all hours of the day and night (let me remind you she is 5) and every time she got off the phone she would sob for the next hour. We tried making mommy pictures, little notes, phone calls, special "talks" and none of it would help.

I was on the verge of losing my mind. Having a miserable and difficult kid not only is hard on them, but it is hard on the other kids and parents. There is no worse feeling then trying your very hardest to make someone happy, only to see them worse off every moment. One day I had the most beautiful epiphany. I can't make her happy, and it is our job to create the environment, not allow her to create it.

That day started a new chapter in all of our lives. I was done. Done catering to nasty behavior, done going out of my way to please her, done stressing myself out, I quit. Dustin and I laid down new rules.

These are the rules:

1. No more calling mommy without our permission- We would allow her to call once a day, but not when she was exhausted and going to throw a royal fit when she got off the phone.

2. No more crying for mommy- I know this sounds harsh, but we told her it is ok to miss mommy, and if she wants to cry for her she can go to her room and do it. We told her that we were all happy and when she was ready to be happy she could come out and be happy too.

3. No more killing myself trying to keep every minute of her day occupied- We can't change our whole lives every other week to accommodate Breanna. We love when she is home, but this is our life and she has to learn how to be happy with that life, even if some days we just hang out around the house.

Within two weeks of these new rules she was back to her old self. The first couple days she might go in her room and cry for 5 minutes, but once she saw it wasn't phasing us, she stopped. She started playing with her sister nicely, reading her books, and playing with her toys again.We even got good reports about how well she was doing at her mom's house. Not only was she happier, but she rarely says she misses her mom, or wants to call her. She has learned to enjoy the time she has here. She still has a struggle or two here or there, but nothing we can't handle.

It amazes me how kids need guidance in every area of their lives, even emotionally. We had to teach her how to properly control her emotions. It is a hard lesson to learn at such a young age, but it is her reality. She has two families that love her and want to spend time with her, some kids don't even have one. Splitting time in two different homes will always be a challenge, but as a step parent I am thrilled to say she has the best transition possible into our happy home.

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